No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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