Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
