bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
