Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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