I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
