New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
