My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
