They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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