Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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