I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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