party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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