my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think i have herpe
just one?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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