his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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