He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
