The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
