Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
