Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
