No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
