Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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