Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
