dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
