She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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