see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
