Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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