I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
