Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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