He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
