im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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