I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
