Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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