I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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