I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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