i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
