oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
