In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
