We're facebook friends in real life
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
