Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
