i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
