id be glad to
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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