I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
