I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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