I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
