trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
