oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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