Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
