are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
