apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
