I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
