During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
