i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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