every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
